All day long I have been trying not to think about what this day was like last year. Let’s just say it was a day that would drive most people over the edge of sanity but I managed to skim by with only a piece of my soul shutting down. This is the day that the true hatred for my husbands new-found love really settled in and made itself right at home in my heart. The battle has been long, hard and ongoing but I am making awesome improvements daily and am humbled by the astonishing lessons I am learning in this journey.
You may or may not know that I am in the process of writing a Spiritual book that I intend to get published this year. There are a few close friends proofreading and giving much-needed guidance as this dream unfolds. I am also hiring a lady named Joyce Glass “The Write Coach” to see me through this process. As I am working on this book, my own heart is being taught very valuable lessons and there are a lot of questions being answered that I have had for years. The depression is lifting and being replaced with excitement, anticipation and motivation to strive for more of everything imaginable.
Back to today. Today is New Year’s Eve 2017. Just hours before the “New Beginning” of 2018 starts. Today I needed to do something empowering and positive for “Me”. A bit of an ego booster, I suppose. I decided to do something that at first I was sure I was in over my head with. It might be simple for some of you but for me, it was so huge that I let them sit on my floor for a week because I was afraid of failing. You may have even seen my Facebook post about it. A 5 shelf bookcase is the nemesis. Not just one mind you but two. I bought two of these. What was I thinking?
I posted this picture after putting that one piece together and said “What possessed me to think that I could put this shelf together??? It has been on my floor ever since. Just taunting me with my own self doubt.
Today, however, I picked up the directions with fresh eyes and a “fresh attitude” and I understood every singe word of the directions. The happiness and accomplishment I felt while putting this bookshelf together was a very welcome combination of positive emotions on this particular day.
The more compelling things we do, the more in command we will be over our depression and negative thoughts. No superwoman pose needed today because my positive behavior dictated my positive thoughts and vice versa.
Every week I go to Tennessee to help take care of my mom and her roommate Mary. My Mountain bike goes with me so I can ride the trails in Athens or Cleveland with my big sister Sherrie. This particular visit, my niece and her fiancé said they would replace my brake pads for me since it would have cost me an arm and a leg to get them replaced at a shop. So after our 8.4 mile ride on a beautiful trail (no crashes this time) I got back to my sister’s house to find my car all set and they wouldn’t take a penny for the work. Family can be a Godsend if you have a good one!
You would have to know my niece Shawna to fully comprehend and appreciate the vigor she brings to my life and just how powerful her actions and words are to my emotional state of mind. She is vibrant and daring. Scares the living beJesus out of me sometimes but that in turn, makes my adrenaline and endorphins flood my system and I suddenly remember I am alive and well and not terrified of living on the edge (well, kind of). This woman has no fear, or doesn’t show it if she does, and will look you right in the eye and say what needs to be said. She can be gentle with a layer of directness or her words can meet your ears with a fierceness that lets you know she is no ones doormat. Yes, I want to be her when I grow up!
After the work was all done it was time to catch up on life. We stood around and chit chatted for a bit, ended up sitting on the tailgate of Todd’s truck drinking a fine “Peach Drink!” Oh Tennessee, how I have missed you and your “Southernness”! I wish I had snapped pictures of this but I was too engaged in the moment. My sister even brought out two bottles of her homemade Blueberry Wine for me to take home and some big fat homegrown tomatoes!
I should have realized there was an underlying reason for the “peach drink” because before I knew it, I was in a Razor 900 going very, very fast through a field, over logs and tree branches, even up an embankment. I kept my eyes closed for that one.
Southern to the bone.
Caption this… lol
That day ended with me picking hay seeds out of my hair and smiling all the way back to my moms house. The takeaway here is, when you are going through a hard time and depression wants to creep in or your mind is distracted by negative thoughts or fear, go do something daring! Jump outside of that box you find so comforting and have an adventure. Go screaming 45 miles an hour through a field in a Razor, go zip lining or anything that shakes up your adrenaline and makes you feel alive! Retrain your mind to think great things, positive things and happy things as often as you can. Your reality will be there for as long as it is your reality but try not to let it control and consume you while you are trying to change it for the better. Life is too short so go live it while you have it.