Identifying Your Enemy

Don’t Let Your Enemies Break You.

“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision…”                                      ~Sir Winston Churchill

zen-stones-2774524__340As I started thinking about this particular blog post, I started calculating what my readers and I have in common.  There is a reason we all gather here periodically to see what each other has to say on common interests.  The two things we all have in common are, we love to write and we all want to be happy. Some of us are adventurers and travelers and some are chronically ill, looking for encouragement from the words we share on our blogs. Even those that read my blog because they are friends or family who want to support me, have their own need for being uplifted.

“I don’t know about you, but to me, fear is an enemy to everything I am fighting to accomplish in my life.”


Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

This bible verse was found on my sons nightstand  when he died five years ago. By me, his mother.  So yes, it resonates with me on a level I hope none of you ever come to understand.  If you are not into the bible, I’m not here to preach or judge, I am just sharing with you, my thoughts on fear from my heart, through my experiences. We all feel fear at times and on many levels.  If my son knew he was dying that night, I’m sure he felt fear on an epic level and I take comfort in knowing that he leaned on God at that very moment. This is how I am striving to deal with my fears as well, along with exercise and my trusty “Calm” app.

Self Doubt Is Built, Brick By Brick

The specific fear that steps in front of me regularly is one of self doubt.  Where did it stem from? Going back through my life, I can pretty much pin point the incidents that started the construction of that wall.  Those stories will be elaborated on further in the book I am writing but for now, let’s just say, I think I know the “why” of it.  The question is; how do I undo the damage all these years later? How do I reprogram my thinking to knock down the brick wall that stops me in my tracks every time I try to do something that is “more” than I have ever done?  For example, deciding to write a book seemed like a doable task but when my editor sent me a sample outline and told me to make one for my book, I felt like  I needed to go back to 5th grade! Day by day, I started getting more and more scared which led to frustration which led to me throwing my pencil at the wall.  Then I cried.  I feel alone, like I am in over my head and that I don’t have what it takes to do this one thing that is so important to me.


But I “will” write this book.  I “will” do the things I feel are important to me because somehow, I have the courage to try, over and over until I get it right. The key to that courage is in the sentence above.  It’s important to me.  Usually, when I try to do something new and I hit the snag called “it’s too hard,” I just give up.  Common sense may tell me not to pursue a career in brain surgery but fear tells me I can’t write a book, understand an outline or be knowledgeable or fluent in anything.


Dig Deep To Find The Strength and Courage

The scripture above says to be “strong and courageous.”  What do you, my readers, do to be strong and courageous when you feel depressed, or when you are preparing for an adventure that might present dangerous situations?  How do you find strength and courage when you want to have a hard conversation with a spouse or adult child? How far down do you have to dig into your means of mental survival to find the strength and courage to come out from under the harsh demeaning words you were subjected to throughout your childhood so that you can rise above them and see your worth?


“Don’t Let Your Enemies Break You”

I have been giving in to my “Emotional Enemies” for years.  A couple of them are thorns in my side and one or two have morphed into daggers.  However, the main one “no decent man will ever love you” still echos in my mind to this day. Always right there to tell me that I will never be “enough” for anything worthwhile. These words, my friends, came from my father and it is the self doubt that I wear like a skin, to this day.


The purpose of this blog post is to make you think about what, if anything,  fear is holding you back from? If fear isn’t your particular “enemy,” what is? Does it hold you back from the things that make you happy or whole? Go find whatever gives you strength and courage, dig deep and find what you were given so that your enemies don’t break you.


“And remember, do your superman/superwoman pose every day for 5 minutes!”


Where Do I Belong?

The best way to start this section is to just start typing…I have so many thoughts running through my mind and so much fear trying to put road blocks up at every turn that it’s driving me crazy.  I just don’t know where I belong in this world.  If you read my blog from the beginning, you know that I left my husband, my home, my job and everything I had known for the last 15 years because he wanted someone else.  My life has changed drastically over the last 5 years and nothing is as it seemed.  Now I am trying to piece my life together using new puzzle pieces and the part of the puzzle that contains my work life is eluding me.

work life puzzle

My most valuable resources for information are my two sons and their wives.  My oldest son Terrance is a trainer for Samsung.  He literally worked his way up the ladder and he did it by absorbing every bit of knowledge he could about cellular phones back when they first came out.  He would print everything he could find on the subject until he had more notebooks on this information than he did on all of his school materials combined!  He didn’t know the particular turns he would make on this path but he took them as they came along and he is now in a good place with more opportunities still in front of him.

My son Tyler also worked his way up by starting at the bottom.  He started working for a lighting company when he was 18 as a warehouse employee.  This company stuck with him during his learning years because they saw his potential.  He was promoted to warehouse manager and even when the company hit hard times and had to cut his pay, he stuck with them.  They bounced back and he was right there with them.  Today he is a store manager for this company and is their go-to guy for bringing stores to an A-rating.  Next step is the regional managers position, I am sure!

So here is my dilemma and please send me your thoughts, advice and experiences on this matter.  I would love to see the input from my readers.

Is my personality holding me back?  I am a very passive person. People very quickly see me as malleable and not one to stand my ground right away.  When I was a young mother, this was not the case in my personal life but in the workforce I have always been the subordinate.  It isn’t that I don’t have leadership skills or potential, I just don’t have the confidence and it shows.

Fear.  That is what I have.  Second guessing everything from my age and how much time I have left to find my niche , to my ability to perform when things get tough or confrontatin occurs.   How does a person with my personality move into the workforce as a leader? What can I do to conquer the fear of confrontation? Of failure?  Dealing with employees on their personality level does not come natural to me as it does with some other leaders.  I always see myself as an equal or less than others and I get ran over every time.  When I think about the bosses  I’ve had in the past and what made them seem like successful manages to me, I see the respect and compassion they had for their employees while still coming across as the one in charge.  This is why I think I could do it. Reading people and picking up on their needs comes natural to me.   I just have to learn how to manage the personalities of employees in a way that helps them be their best while protecting myself from being ran over.  A manager doesn’t have to be stern 24/7 to get people to do their jobs but they can’t be a pushover either.  It’s a fine line that I want to learn about.

So, I am researching what books to read on leadership, reading blogs and articles on it,  I’ve even signed up for classes on to help me learn some of the basics.  If I need to take a class at the local college, I can do that too.  I have nothing but time on my hands right now so this is the perfect time for me to learn as much as I can.

My son Terrance has let me bounce my interests off of him and he is always there with reminders of what I have accomplished over the years.  My son Tyler gives me examples of how he handles confrontation with his employees and is teaching me different strategies to do the same.  Both of them and their wives encourage me to pinpoint what it is that I want to do and go from there.  But that’s just it;  I always come back to what do I want to do that is realistic?  I love to write but that won’t pay for health insurance.  Sometimes I think that the things I really love to do are just a fantasy in my head.  I would love to buy a truck and a camper and go do the “Workamper” thing and make money writing and working odd jobs at the campsites.  Again, that might not carry me through the next 10 years to retirement and should probably be a side gig for later.

The cleaning industry is what I have been in since I was 18.  Starting out cleaning in a hospital Surgical Unit, patient rooms and offices, moving into the hotel industry for 6 years (my favorite!) and finally, having my own cleaning business in two states for over 20 years now. Million dollar homes in Georgia and Colorado.

Other interests are in the health industry.  I am a certified personal trainer but it’s not where my heart is anymore.  I have worked as a Private Care Giver part-time for 15 years as well as working in the nursing homes in the Activities Department.  These things are close to my heart but not where I want to be at this point of my life.

So what do you think? I need thoughts that are outside of my own head.  I need help.        I need knowledge.  An arrow showing  “Look here”!  Anything that you think would help would be appreciated.  Thank you faithful readers!