Identifying Your Enemy

Don’t Let Your Enemies Break You.

“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision…”                                      ~Sir Winston Churchill

zen-stones-2774524__340As I started thinking about this particular blog post, I started calculating what my readers and I have in common.  There is a reason we all gather here periodically to see what each other has to say on common interests.  The two things we all have in common are, we love to write and we all want to be happy. Some of us are adventurers and travelers and some are chronically ill, looking for encouragement from the words we share on our blogs. Even those that read my blog because they are friends or family who want to support me, have their own need for being uplifted.

“I don’t know about you, but to me, fear is an enemy to everything I am fighting to accomplish in my life.”


Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

This bible verse was found on my sons nightstand  when he died five years ago. By me, his mother.  So yes, it resonates with me on a level I hope none of you ever come to understand.  If you are not into the bible, I’m not here to preach or judge, I am just sharing with you, my thoughts on fear from my heart, through my experiences. We all feel fear at times and on many levels.  If my son knew he was dying that night, I’m sure he felt fear on an epic level and I take comfort in knowing that he leaned on God at that very moment. This is how I am striving to deal with my fears as well, along with exercise and my trusty “Calm” app.

Self Doubt Is Built, Brick By Brick

The specific fear that steps in front of me regularly is one of self doubt.  Where did it stem from? Going back through my life, I can pretty much pin point the incidents that started the construction of that wall.  Those stories will be elaborated on further in the book I am writing but for now, let’s just say, I think I know the “why” of it.  The question is; how do I undo the damage all these years later? How do I reprogram my thinking to knock down the brick wall that stops me in my tracks every time I try to do something that is “more” than I have ever done?  For example, deciding to write a book seemed like a doable task but when my editor sent me a sample outline and told me to make one for my book, I felt like  I needed to go back to 5th grade! Day by day, I started getting more and more scared which led to frustration which led to me throwing my pencil at the wall.  Then I cried.  I feel alone, like I am in over my head and that I don’t have what it takes to do this one thing that is so important to me.


But I “will” write this book.  I “will” do the things I feel are important to me because somehow, I have the courage to try, over and over until I get it right. The key to that courage is in the sentence above.  It’s important to me.  Usually, when I try to do something new and I hit the snag called “it’s too hard,” I just give up.  Common sense may tell me not to pursue a career in brain surgery but fear tells me I can’t write a book, understand an outline or be knowledgeable or fluent in anything.


Dig Deep To Find The Strength and Courage

The scripture above says to be “strong and courageous.”  What do you, my readers, do to be strong and courageous when you feel depressed, or when you are preparing for an adventure that might present dangerous situations?  How do you find strength and courage when you want to have a hard conversation with a spouse or adult child? How far down do you have to dig into your means of mental survival to find the strength and courage to come out from under the harsh demeaning words you were subjected to throughout your childhood so that you can rise above them and see your worth?


“Don’t Let Your Enemies Break You”

I have been giving in to my “Emotional Enemies” for years.  A couple of them are thorns in my side and one or two have morphed into daggers.  However, the main one “no decent man will ever love you” still echos in my mind to this day. Always right there to tell me that I will never be “enough” for anything worthwhile. These words, my friends, came from my father and it is the self doubt that I wear like a skin, to this day.


The purpose of this blog post is to make you think about what, if anything,  fear is holding you back from? If fear isn’t your particular “enemy,” what is? Does it hold you back from the things that make you happy or whole? Go find whatever gives you strength and courage, dig deep and find what you were given so that your enemies don’t break you.


“And remember, do your superman/superwoman pose every day for 5 minutes!”


Book Release In 2018

Its official now: My book will be written within the next 6 months and published by the end of 2018!

Words have been brewing in my subconscious for years. It seems these words are surfacing, piecing themselves together  into a message meant for those who have stood at the edge of their emotions not knowing if they should take a step back or just jump off into the abyss of what they are feeling.

The stories in this book are personal. Unfortunately, experienced by far too many people throughout their lives.  My hope is to share my experiences with others so we may all heal and come to the conclusion our experiences, as tragic as they were, or are, can be used to help others see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Although this book has a Spiritual theme, my proofreaders tell me it can also be beneficial as a self-help book.

If you are interested in this type of literature, please follow along as I go through this journey. Share my blog with anyone you think would be interested.  Your encouragement is the wind at my back so please hang in there with me.


Bring In The New Year By Doing Something Positive And Compelling

What a difference a year makes


All day long I have been trying not to think about what this day was like last year.  Let’s just say it was a day that would drive most people over the edge of sanity but I managed to skim by with only a piece of my soul shutting down.  This is the day that the true hatred for my husbands new-found love really settled in and made itself right at home in my heart.  The battle has been long, hard and ongoing but I am making awesome improvements daily and am humbled by the astonishing lessons I am learning in this journey.


You may or may not know that I am in the process of writing a Spiritual book that I intend to get published this year.  There are a few close friends proofreading and giving  much-needed guidance as this dream unfolds.   I am also hiring a lady named Joyce Glass “The Write Coach” to see me through this process.  As I am working on this book, my own heart is being taught very valuable lessons and there are a lot of questions being answered that I have had for years. The depression is lifting and being replaced with excitement, anticipation and motivation to strive for more of everything imaginable.

Back to today.  Today is New Year’s Eve 2017.  Just hours before the “New Beginning” of 2018 starts.  Today I needed to do something empowering and positive for “Me”.  A bit of an ego booster, I suppose.  I decided to do something that at first I was sure I was in over my head with.  It might be simple for some of you but for me, it was so huge that I let them sit on my floor for a week because I was afraid of failing.  You may have even seen my Facebook post about it.  A 5 shelf bookcase is the nemesis.  Not just one mind you but two.  I bought two of these.  What was I thinking?

IMG_0256 2

I posted this picture after putting that one piece together and said “What possessed me to think that I could put this shelf together???  It has been on my floor ever since.  Just taunting me with my own self doubt.

Today, however, I picked up the directions with fresh eyes and a “fresh attitude” and I understood every singe word of the directions.   The happiness and accomplishment I felt while putting this bookshelf together was a very welcome combination of positive emotions on this particular day.


The more compelling things we do, the more in command we will be over our depression and negative thoughts.  No superwoman pose needed today because my positive behavior dictated my positive thoughts and vice versa.

One down and one to go!

Finally getting organized
One more to go!
               HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!  BRING ON 2018



No Holiday Blues Allowed!

For the past 15 years I dreaded each and every holiday that was supposed to be filled with joy, happiness and excitement.  My husband had and still has seasonal depression which made it difficult, to say the least, for me to experience any joy at all during these times.  There was never a Christmas tree or presents, no holiday dinners or parties with friends.  Just the two of us going out to dinner and wishing the holidays would hurry up and come to an end.


Christmas this year, however, will be different if it kills me!  Christmas music sounds warm and wonderful to my ears and the hustle and bustle of shoppers is electrifying! The last few weeks I zipped in and out of stores carrying out loads of presents for my grandkids.  Smiling and singing the whole time.  Decorations light up the cities and neighborhoods like beacons of love and goodwill to all.  Being around my family this year is also like a homecoming of love and togetherness.

Most of us are missing someone we love this year and the sadness can find a way in if we let it.  I choose to remember my son and others I miss sorely by thinking of their impact on this world and so many hearts.  After all, I picture my boy with Jesus and I think he has the better end of the deal.


One week before the day of giving to each other and of ourselves , it is tempting to reflect on the years past with sadness and regret.   I sit at my desk writing this blog post and  realize that I am looking clearly into the future with optimism and faith.

There is no room for depression in my heart today.  I won’t make room for it this time. It isn’t welcome here and it needs to be known.  Today, I make room for love, acceptance, laughter and happiness.

My family fuels my energy to love more and to love deeply.  I feel like I was a withering plant when I came here last year and they nourished me with their sunlight and plucked away the dead leaves I was holding onto.  The family God blessed me with saved my life by not letting my light stop shining and for this I am humbly grateful.

 No more tears of sadness on Christmas


No more “making it go away for a little while”


I am a child of God and I will get up every time I fall and try again because I have a purpose.


Merry Christmas 2017

Starting Over

An adventure a day keeps depression away!

So, Twice Bitten180 was the first thing that came to mind when I had to decide on a new email and blog name.  It probably isn’t hard to figure out but I’ll explain anyway.  I am 55 years old and am having to pick up the pieces of my life and start over…Again.   First time was when I was 28 and my husband decided that the 18 year old girl was more appealing than the wife and kids.  After 4 years (and a third child) I had had enough.  I packed up my three little boys and moved into a government funded apartment, worked two jobs and was determined to focus on them and making their lives happy and successful.  Twelve years later I took a chance on love again and eventually (15 years later to be exact) same thing happens.   This one, however, was the kill shot to my soul.  I lost my youngest son five years ago  ( February 25,2012 ) and the man who should have had my back bailed on me 5 years to the day of that loss.

This blog will have some gut wrenching stories as well as some funny ones.  My main goal is to share through my writings, encouragement as well as ideas that you, the reader, can take and implement into your own lives.

For some of us, starting over means relearning how to live.  I mean, really LIVE and not just survive.  Have you ever been in a really dark place emotionally?  Sometimes, things happen in our lives that make us just not want to live another second.  I never understood how a person could get to that place but unfortunately, now I know.  It took a lot of prayer and looking at pictures of my family to snap me out of it.  I don’t think I could have actually harmed myself but the thoughts of it were bad enough.  We all have baggage in our lives and mine is no different so if  I have the means to help just one person pick up those pieces and create a new heart and soul, or to simply laugh out loud then I will do my best. This blog might not meet the specs of how it’s supposed to be created but I have no clue what I’m doing.  Like, this should probably be my About page but hey, I’m doing my own thing now right?  I am just going to write about things that I am experiencing now that I am on the “other side” of that dark place because for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am really living!

First blog post

My girl Molly and I are almost loaded up and ready to leave this life behind and go start over.  I can’t wait to see her reaction to grandkids and cats!