Pulling out of Colorado on the 5th anniversary of my sons death just added to the emotional pain seared into my heart. This one thought kept going through my mind, “If my marriage was going to end, why could it not have ended before my son got sick”?! Maybe I could have saved him. Hence, the guilt of moving so far away in the first place resurfaced.
The minute I told my sons what was going on, my middle son Tyler bought a plane ticket and arrived that Saturday morning to drive me and my mere belongings back to Georgia. I held up one hand to my husband to say good-bye and squelched the overwhelming need to release the grieving tears I swore I would never allow my children to witness in their mother again.
That days journey took us well into Kansas and that trek was filled with conversation, laughter and talk of so many plans for my life with my boys and my grandchildren. We never once turned on the radio. Which for me is normal but my son loves his music and it was heart warming that he was content to be engaged in conversation with me instead of leaving me to my own painful thoughts that could have entangled themselves with the words to most songs on the radio.
After a long day on the road, finding a hotel with a nice little Mexican restraunt inside was the perfect “margarita filled” end to the day.
An adventure a day keeps depression away!
So, Twice Bitten180 was the first thing that came to mind when I had to decide on a new email and blog name. It probably isn’t hard to figure out but I’ll explain anyway. I am 55 years old and am having to pick up the pieces of my life and start over…Again. First time was when I was 28 and my husband decided that the 18 year old girl was more appealing than the wife and kids. After 4 years (and a third child) I had had enough. I packed up my three little boys and moved into a government funded apartment, worked two jobs and was determined to focus on them and making their lives happy and successful. Twelve years later I took a chance on love again and eventually (15 years later to be exact) same thing happens. This one, however, was the kill shot to my soul. I lost my youngest son five years ago ( February 25,2012 ) and the man who should have had my back bailed on me 5 years to the day of that loss.
This blog will have some gut wrenching stories as well as some funny ones. My main goal is to share through my writings, encouragement as well as ideas that you, the reader, can take and implement into your own lives.
For some of us, starting over means relearning how to live. I mean, really LIVE and not just survive. Have you ever been in a really dark place emotionally? Sometimes, things happen in our lives that make us just not want to live another second. I never understood how a person could get to that place but unfortunately, now I know. It took a lot of prayer and looking at pictures of my family to snap me out of it. I don’t think I could have actually harmed myself but the thoughts of it were bad enough. We all have baggage in our lives and mine is no different so if I have the means to help just one person pick up those pieces and create a new heart and soul, or to simply laugh out loud then I will do my best. This blog might not meet the specs of how it’s supposed to be created but I have no clue what I’m doing. Like, this should probably be my About page but hey, I’m doing my own thing now right? I am just going to write about things that I am experiencing now that I am on the “other side” of that dark place because for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am really living!
First blog post
My pal Molly
My girl Molly and I are almost loaded up and ready to leave this life behind and go start over. I can’t wait to see her reaction to grandkids and cats!