For the past 15 years I dreaded each and every holiday that was supposed to be filled with joy, happiness and excitement. My husband had and still has seasonal depression which made it difficult, to say the least, for me to experience any joy at all during these times. There was never a Christmas tree or presents, no holiday dinners or parties with friends. Just the two of us going out to dinner and wishing the holidays would hurry up and come to an end.
Christmas this year, however, will be different if it kills me! Christmas music sounds warm and wonderful to my ears and the hustle and bustle of shoppers is electrifying! The last few weeks I zipped in and out of stores carrying out loads of presents for my grandkids. Smiling and singing the whole time. Decorations light up the cities and neighborhoods like beacons of love and goodwill to all. Being around my family this year is also like a homecoming of love and togetherness.
Most of us are missing someone we love this year and the sadness can find a way in if we let it. I choose to remember my son and others I miss sorely by thinking of their impact on this world and so many hearts. After all, I picture my boy with Jesus and I think he has the better end of the deal.
One week before the day of giving to each other and of ourselves , it is tempting to reflect on the years past with sadness and regret. I sit at my desk writing this blog post and realize that I am looking clearly into the future with optimism and faith.
There is no room for depression in my heart today. I won’t make room for it this time. It isn’t welcome here and it needs to be known. Today, I make room for love, acceptance, laughter and happiness.
My family fuels my energy to love more and to love deeply. I feel like I was a withering plant when I came here last year and they nourished me with their sunlight and plucked away the dead leaves I was holding onto. The family God blessed me with saved my life by not letting my light stop shining and for this I am humbly grateful.
No more tears of sadness on Christmas
No more “making it go away for a little while”
I am a child of God and I will get up every time I fall and try again because I have a purpose.
Merry Christmas 2017