Where Do I Belong?

The best way to start this section is to just start typing…I have so many thoughts running through my mind and so much fear trying to put road blocks up at every turn that it’s driving me crazy.  I just don’t know where I belong in this world.  If you read my blog from the beginning, you know that I left my husband, my home, my job and everything I had known for the last 15 years because he wanted someone else.  My life has changed drastically over the last 5 years and nothing is as it seemed.  Now I am trying to piece my life together using new puzzle pieces and the part of the puzzle that contains my work life is eluding me.

work life puzzle

My most valuable resources for information are my two sons and their wives.  My oldest son Terrance is a trainer for Samsung.  He literally worked his way up the ladder and he did it by absorbing every bit of knowledge he could about cellular phones back when they first came out.  He would print everything he could find on the subject until he had more notebooks on this information than he did on all of his school materials combined!  He didn’t know the particular turns he would make on this path but he took them as they came along and he is now in a good place with more opportunities still in front of him.

My son Tyler also worked his way up by starting at the bottom.  He started working for a lighting company when he was 18 as a warehouse employee.  This company stuck with him during his learning years because they saw his potential.  He was promoted to warehouse manager and even when the company hit hard times and had to cut his pay, he stuck with them.  They bounced back and he was right there with them.  Today he is a store manager for this company and is their go-to guy for bringing stores to an A-rating.  Next step is the regional managers position, I am sure!

So here is my dilemma and please send me your thoughts, advice and experiences on this matter.  I would love to see the input from my readers.

Is my personality holding me back?  I am a very passive person. People very quickly see me as malleable and not one to stand my ground right away.  When I was a young mother, this was not the case in my personal life but in the workforce I have always been the subordinate.  It isn’t that I don’t have leadership skills or potential, I just don’t have the confidence and it shows.

Fear.  That is what I have.  Second guessing everything from my age and how much time I have left to find my niche , to my ability to perform when things get tough or confrontatin occurs.   How does a person with my personality move into the workforce as a leader? What can I do to conquer the fear of confrontation? Of failure?  Dealing with employees on their personality level does not come natural to me as it does with some other leaders.  I always see myself as an equal or less than others and I get ran over every time.  When I think about the bosses  I’ve had in the past and what made them seem like successful manages to me, I see the respect and compassion they had for their employees while still coming across as the one in charge.  This is why I think I could do it. Reading people and picking up on their needs comes natural to me.   I just have to learn how to manage the personalities of employees in a way that helps them be their best while protecting myself from being ran over.  A manager doesn’t have to be stern 24/7 to get people to do their jobs but they can’t be a pushover either.  It’s a fine line that I want to learn about.

So, I am researching what books to read on leadership, reading blogs and articles on it,  I’ve even signed up for classes on Lynda.com to help me learn some of the basics.  If I need to take a class at the local college, I can do that too.  I have nothing but time on my hands right now so this is the perfect time for me to learn as much as I can.

My son Terrance has let me bounce my interests off of him and he is always there with reminders of what I have accomplished over the years.  My son Tyler gives me examples of how he handles confrontation with his employees and is teaching me different strategies to do the same.  Both of them and their wives encourage me to pinpoint what it is that I want to do and go from there.  But that’s just it;  I always come back to what do I want to do that is realistic?  I love to write but that won’t pay for health insurance.  Sometimes I think that the things I really love to do are just a fantasy in my head.  I would love to buy a truck and a camper and go do the “Workamper” thing and make money writing and working odd jobs at the campsites.  Again, that might not carry me through the next 10 years to retirement and should probably be a side gig for later.

The cleaning industry is what I have been in since I was 18.  Starting out cleaning in a hospital Surgical Unit, patient rooms and offices, moving into the hotel industry for 6 years (my favorite!) and finally, having my own cleaning business in two states for over 20 years now. Million dollar homes in Georgia and Colorado.

Other interests are in the health industry.  I am a certified personal trainer but it’s not where my heart is anymore.  I have worked as a Private Care Giver part-time for 15 years as well as working in the nursing homes in the Activities Department.  These things are close to my heart but not where I want to be at this point of my life.

So what do you think? I need thoughts that are outside of my own head.  I need help.        I need knowledge.  An arrow showing  “Look here”!  Anything that you think would help would be appreciated.  Thank you faithful readers!



Author: twicebitten180

The decision to even find out what a "blog" really is, came when I found myself at 55, discarded like a car with too many miles on it by my husband of 15 years. You know, "The grass is greener" mentality. Five years to the day after the death of my 23 year old son, I loaded up my u-haul and headed south. Never once looking back at the beautiful state of Colorado, my husband, my home, my job or my retirement business. It was all now promised to someone else so I pulled up my big girl socks and moved on. So, this blog isn't going to be a place for me to lash out about the betrayal. It is going to be a place for me to share the adventures and experiences that lead to the healing and the happiness. A place to find encouragement and strength. At the present time, I teach fitness bootcamp classes on Friday evenings and I house/pet sit when someone needs me. I have even been thinking of doing vehicle transport for car rental businesses or car dealerships but having an out of state drivers license might be a problem. In the meantime, I am doing a little traveling and trying to learn some new skills. Welding and writing are at the top of my list. Learning to be a free lance writer has always been something I dreamed of doing and now is my time. I hope you will come along for the ride!

8 thoughts on “Where Do I Belong?”

  1. You mention house/pet sit when needed, but have you considered having clients that need a person to stop in once or twice a day to take care of their pet in their own home? When I’m away, my pet sitters stop in once a day, give kitty her insulin shot, give her food & water, clean her litter box, bring in my mail / paper, put out/bring in the trash can. They will also turn lights on/off or open/ close drapes, making the house look lived in. Some of their clients have them walk the dog while they are at work, or transport them to a vet appointment etc.
    I use Pueblo’s Best Pet Care, they are licensed /Bonded & Insured. I have no idea how to get that but I’m sure there is something online on how to do it. They are the 2nd pet sitters I’ve used as Noshoot didn’t get along with the 1st one. She absolutely adores Cindy and Cindy will even send me a text photo of Noshoot when I go on longer trips! Kitty’s happy, I’m happy, and I don’t have to board her somewhere, where she may pick up something bad from another animal.


    1. I have done some pet sitting and I love it but for the long term job, I have to think about the health insurance. Being totally self-sufficient again when everything from the cost of living to health insurance has changed so drastically over the years, making it a whole new ballgame of starting over. Thank you Bonnie! I miss you!


      1. That’s true. Pet sitting wouldn’t be good for long term security. I’ll keep thinking – miss you too!


  2. It might take a little time to find the right job. Hotels do need help to bring the house keeping up to par. I am not sure they will put out the extra money to make that happen. Come up with a name and contact the bigger changes to get a feel for the reality if this is even possible. If this is a dead end then check with the next job type that interest you. You don’t have to be the boss, but if they see how dependable you are they will move you up. Some Hotels hire activity directors to be over parties given there in the meeting room. That person gets the word out to local business personal that they have a service available. Meeting rooms, some catering, Birthday parties, Baby showers any thing that people need a large room for when they don’t have room them selves. This could be a time in your life to try something totally different. Don’t be afraid your a very likable person, smart and on your toes! So step out and be anything YOU want to. The world is waiting.


    1. Thank you Wanda! I am ready for something new and challenging and there seems to be new avenues out there that weren’t around in the late 90’s when I worked in housekeeping for The Hampton Inn. We had a supervisor that checked every room we cleaned and she would send you back in there if there was one hair found. I love that! Hotels should be clean! 🙂 It may take a while to find my place and in the meantime, I must conquer the shortcomings I have and do some research on things I am interested in. Thank you!


  3. You are one brave cookie. I love how you are so open about fear. You are indeed a great writer too. I could tell that by reading your blog. You have taken the first step in the right direction already. I love the idea of doing the hotel training.. there is such a great need for that… Go for it! Apply for hotel jobs. It may feel like you are starting all over again but this time lay out a plan and be the example you have set for your boys… work yourself back up the ladder by never letting go of your dream..#yougotthis.


    1. Thank you Amy! There is a need indeed. I have always landed on my feet and I’m sure this bump in my life will be no different. It’s just scary on a new level. The boys have made me so very proud and I hope I can make them proud too. Not to mention, I need to make sure I have the means to provide for myself when I’m too old to work! Lol


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