To fully explain my mother, I would have to go back to her childhood so I will just take you from a few years back to now. My father had so many strokes during his 50’s and 60’s that he eventually became bed-ridden and mom was his care giver from about the age of 50 to 81. As most women of her generation are. Up at 4am and at his beckon call 24/7. During those last 6 years she had to bathe him, feed him, turn him over in his hospital bed regularly, cut his hair, administer his medications and find things for him to do to occupy his time when he was awake. Her friend Mary who was an RN, helped take care of my dad in his last few months and eventually moved into the home. The last few weeks, mom and Mary watched my dad go into the semi-coma that the elderly go into as they are dying and they were both there to witness his last breath. My mom is a woman of great character who puts everyone’s needs before her own and she seemed to handle my dad’s death with great strength so she immediately started trying to help her friend Mary who was also in poor health by this time.
Fast forward two years and my mom is now suffering from the havoc that a lifetime of nerves, stress and emotional trauma can reek on the human body and spirit. We thought that after my dads passing maybe she, in time, would be able to enjoy some time living her life and enjoy some of the things she never got to do. Instead, she is literally worrying herself to death. She weighs 97.4 lbs as of yesterday ( normal weight is 130 ) and she has two more Dr. appointments over the next two weeks that will, hopefully, give us some answers.
My patience with her constant doting is very thin and I am so ashamed of how short I feel when she does the things she does. It brings me to tears when I feel this way because I start thinking , “She just wants to spend time with me and be a part of what I’m doing ” and I just want her to sit and relax but she can’t. It stresses me out when someone is “underfoot” so to speak and I just don’t handle it well. Over the last 15 years, I have taken care of many peoples elderly parents and I have all the patience in the world with them but, as I have told my clients, “It is different when it’s your own parent”. We just have less patience with our own blood for some reason. It isn’t fair and doesn’t make sense but it is what it is. From this day to her last, I will not be impatient , I will let her be herself while still encouraging her to relax and unwind. I fear she won’t be around much longer if they don’t find out what is wrong with her and get her on the mend.
My lesson to you on this is, try with all your mite to be patient and kind at all times possible. Our families need our love and support especially when they are sick and afraid. If they want to draw near to you, let them. If they need your love, give it to them. I know that not all families have good relationships so I realize this might not apply to everyone reading this but just try to find your compassion with people in general. If you instantly get frustrated or angry in traffic because the car in front of you didn’t go when they were supposed to, take into consideration that maybe they just had a heart attack or something serious is going on. Take the time to acknowledge other people and their needs as well as their emotional state and just BE KIND and then choose your reaction when you see the true situation. Just remember to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, smile at strangers, be happy, healthy and kind. Letting the world eat you alive is no way to live.